Q: My six year old daughter asked again: "Why can't Jamie come and stay?" Jamie is her 8 year old cousin who has Aspergers Syndrome. His behaviour is so out of control at times that his parents will not let him leave their home except to go to school with his teacher aide. I want to help but even I get scared of Jamie when he has a "fit". I do not know how to explain that Jamie cannot do everything she wants to do.
A: Children have the capacity to understand more than we give them credit for, so it is important to explain to your daughter in a simple way about Jamie's condition, which he was born with (see http://www.autismsouthafrica.org).
Give her practical information for her to make sense of his behaviour: it is difficult for him to cope with new situations; Jamie needs to feel safe and happy; he needs to be in familiar places with his toys and his family.
You could visit Jamie at his house, where you would both become more familiar to him and where she could try to play with him.
Some children with Aspergers Syndrome are more sociable than others. With both of you spending more time with Jamie in his home environment you will become more familiar with his routine and behaviour and with how his parents deal with him.
In time you may be able to give his parents some "time out", which I am sure would be appreciated.
