Q: My children are five and eight, in grade 0 and grade 2. I collect them together from school at 1pm. Then I am on the hop non-stop between dancing and art classes for my daughter, OT, tennis and maths lessons for my son and horse riding for both of them. They have little or no homework, but they are always complaining about going to all these classes. It's a lot of co-ordination and expense, but I think it is good for them. Don't you?
A: In general, children will thrive on physical activity and creative outlets. However, children, like adults, need to have time to relax and unwind.
Children at school burn up a lot of energy concentrating on new information being taught in class. Having to conform to the routine and rules of school, sitting still at a table, working in groups or alone and following instructions from the teacher. By the end of the school day children are understandably tired, hungry and irritable - not unlike adults at the end of a full working day!
What are you actually trying to achieve by filling every minute of your children's afternoons? I would suggest one or two activities per week, which they really enjoy, will bring them pleasure and let them have time to unwind and be creative in their play at home. Ask your daughter to choose one dance class, rather than two. As your son requires OT, let him choose an extra mural that is fun rather than achievment-driven.
It is important to encourage children to have new experiences and achieve their potential, but the greater challenge is to find a balance, or else your children will be suffering from burn out before they reach their teens.
Encourage them to be involved at school as much as possible and then carefully select with them what extra mural activities they participate in, ensuring that it is something they want to do.
Q: I gave my five-year-old daughter de-worming syrup after a friend suggested I do so - my duaghter had developed an abnormally large appetite. To my shock, huge (from 1cm to 18cm long) worms came out in her stools for four days. Where do worms come from and how do I know they won't come back?
A: It is not uncommon for young children to have worms, especially if you have cats and dogs as family pets. Roundworm is the most common parasite that young children become infested with. Infected dogs and cats shed the eggs of the worms into the soil through their faeces. These eggs are very resilient and remain in the soil for weeks. Children who eat sand can therefore easily ingest roundworm eggs - although the eggs can be ingested by anyone if food has become contaminated.
Pharmacists and doctors recommend that children from the age of one should routinely have a six-monthly doseof de-worming medication if they have family pets.
A helpful preventative measure is to ensure that children are supervised while in the garden and prevented from eating soil and sand!
The sand pit should always be covered when not being used so that cats cannot use it as a litter tray. Dog faeces should be removed from the ground quickly and binned immediately so that they are out of reach of young children.
And of course, children should always wash their hands when coming inside after playing in the sandpit and before preparing or eating snacks and meals.
Q: My daughter is four-and-a-half. I collect her from nursery school every afternoon at about five.
I know by the timetable on the classroom wall that she has had a busy day, but when I ask her: "What did you do today?" she replied, "Nothing". Other children collected at the same time show their parents the pictures they have painted and chat away, but most of the time, Alison just takes my hand and shows disinterest. Should I change her school?
A: If the behaviour is new, ensure she is not ill with a mild infection and is just "out of sorts". If it is the norm, I would certainly not rush to move schools. Rather, gather some more information. First, have a chat with Alison's teacher: find out how she participates in class throughout the day. Is she joining in the activities, does she have friends in her class, are her developmental milestones being attained (these should be assessed regularly by her teacher)?
A full day at preschool is a long period of time, and though a nap is a normal part of the routine, she may not have actually slept and therefore may be quite tired.
Ask the teacher which children she plays with and enquire about what activities the class has been engaged in so that you can initiate more direct conversation with Alison, such as asking, for example: "Did you play with 'so and so' today? Your teacher said you had music today; won't you sing me your favourite song?" Leave the questions for the car, or better still, when she is relaxing in the bath at home rather than when you are rushing out of the school gate. With support from her teacher, I am sure you will make progress.
Q: My five year old daughter won't eat fruit, veggies or red meat. She wants to eat only pasta, white bread, pap and sour milk. My worry is a lack of essential vitamins. She's a tiny child but very active. Can you recommend a way to substitute the vitamins she's lacking?
A: Your daughter is definitely not eating a balanced diet. You are still the major influence in her eating habits and you need to be pro-active in your approach.
The foods you have listed are all carbohydrates, which have their place within a daily diet.
However, each meal time (including snack time) needs to include a combination of food types.
There are lots of sources of protein other than red meat - for example, chicken, eggs, cheese, fish, beans, lentils, nuts and so on - and you can combine these with vegetables and fruits.
Some children would rather eat raw crunchy vegetables than cooked vegetables. Another alternative is to puree vegetables any meat and mix them with whatever meat-based gravy or tomato sauce you make. Then pour this sauce over whatever carbohydrate you are serving.
Potatoes and brown rice are complex carbohydrates and more nutritious than those she is eating at the moment. Her body will benefit from the additional vitamins contained in these foods.
Eat meals with your child, and do not let her nibble beforehand. Be firm with her: she should "try" a little of everything on her plate. I do not recommend supplements unless a child is ill. However, if you have further concerns, seek the advice of a dietician.
Q: Should siblings of the opposite sex (a 5 year old girl and a 15 month old boy) see each other's genitals? My daughter watches my change my son's diaper and seems curious.
A: Children have a natural curiosity of the world around them. They want to understand how the world works. As parents, we want to make the world as safe as possible for our children combined with nurturing their natural interest to learn more.
Children do not naturally become aware of their sexuality until they are reaching puberty unless they have experienced some form of abuse.
So, your daughter's natural curiosity of what her brother looks like in his genital area is the most natural way of discovering the basic difference betwen boys and girls.
This is a safe environment for her to ask questions and it is important that you give straight simple ansers to her questions. Giving the proper names of genitals is important.
This is your first golden opportunity to explain very simply about how babies are made and securing the concept of a loving relationship between mommy and daddy.
You can also explain to her that this part of our body is not for every ody to see or for other people to touch.
Children generally have a natural shyness of showing their naked bodies to people they do not know well from about the age of eight to 10 years old.
If you find this a difficult subject to deal with there are a number of books that you could read with your daughter, which are available in the parenting section of good book stores.
Q: I have a daughter plus twins who are 17 months apart. The 3 girls have been in a strict routine from when the twins were 6 weeks old. This included bedtime! For the last 6 moths I have been having a terrible time getting one ofthe twins - now 7 years - to go to sleep. She plays "musical beds" going from her bed to sleeping with her sisters, changing her mind all the time. She doesn't want to be alone and says she is scared of the dark, the sound of the wind blowing, and so on. I have given her a night light, taken to playing soft music in her room to dull the noises. She will only go to sleep if I am in the next room but even then this doesn't always work either. What she most wants is for me to lie with her in her bed, or better yet, for her to sleep with me in mine. Not having had sleep problems with my children before, I am now at my wits end. She is tired at school. I don't know whether to be firm and strict with her (which produces floods of tears), or to acknowledge and be sympathetic to the fact that her fears and insecurities are very real to her! Please help.
A: Firstly, well done Mom for having had the children in a good bedtime routine all these years! We (and children especially) thrive on routine; we can relax because we know what to expect! So what has caused your daughter's change of behaviour? Her fears are very real in her head, so this needs to be acknowledged. Please check what has changed in her life recently, at home ... change of bedroom arrangements? Dad travelling? Mom started to work? A new maid? Or at school ... a new school or teacher? Her twin sister in a different class? A special friend has moved away or chosen another friend? A grandparent dying?
If a significant change has happened in her life this may have shaken her confidence and it is expressed in her dis-ease at bedtime when she even feels alienated from you, her main source of comfort. If you can identify with her what is upsetting her then you can chat about it and this will help to de-stress her. Whatever the outcome of your conversation, I would suggest that you revert to your normal bedtime routine, and negotiate with her a reward system for settling down easily at night. Do not punish her for disturbed nights, but praise her for the good nights. You will probably find that in another 2 months this phase will have passed whatever the cause. Be consistent in whatever arrangement you make with her and do not resort to musical beds!
Q: I'm very much concerned, my daughter (5 years old) does not want fruit, veggies and red meat at all. She only enjoys pasta, white bread, pap and sour milk.
My worry is she is lacking some vitamins in her body and she's very tiny but very active. Is there any recommendation to substitute these vitamins that I may buy/use?
A: Your daughter is definitely not eating a balanced diet. And since she is only 5, you are still the major influence in her eating habits. You need to be pro-active in your approach!
The foods you have listed are all carbohydrates which have their place within a daily diet. However, each meal time (including snacks) needs to have a combination of food types; so it is essential to start including those in her meals. There are lots of different sources ofprotein other than red meat - for example, chicken, eggs, cheese, fish, beans, lentils, nuts and so on - which you can combine with vegetables and fruits.
Some children prefer eating raw crunchy vegetables rather than cooked vegetables. Another possibility is that you puree vegetables and meat and mix them with whatever meat-based gravy or tomator sauce you make. Then pour this sauce over whatever carbohydrate you are serving (potatoes and brownrice are complex carbohydrates and therefore more nutrious than those she currently eats). Your child will be none the wiser; but her body will benefit from the additional vitamins contained in these foods!
Lead by example: eat meals with your child, and do not let her nibble beforehand. Be firm with her: she should "try" a little of everything on her plate.
Personally, I do not recommend supplements unless a child is really ill. Her body will benefit most from a healthy mixed diet. However, if you have further concerns, seek the advice of a dietician.
Q: I have a five year old son who is driving me up the wall. He has a 15 year old half sister. They fight constantly, but cannot stay away from each other either. He smacks and swears at us. I am on the verge of doing something terrible although I love my children very much. I do not get a lot of support from my husband. He says my son can't really do anything wrong because he is still small, but half the time he is not there to see what is going on. If I do ask for support, he tells me to sort it out myself, because I am an adult and their mother. Their school teacher tells me that they are well-behaved. Help!
A: The teacher has already confirmed that your son is capable of good behaviour at school. So what is happening at home that brings out the "monster"? I suggest that he is angry. Often stressed, busy parents think that by doing things for their children, they are loving them. Giving them everything they want should keep them happy. What children really want, however, is you!
By five, your son has learned to dress and feed himself. You need to encourage him to do further things for himself. Praise him for new achievements: learning to tie a shoelace, drawing a picture (whatever it looks like), helping you to make supper and carrying something for you. Include him in every day tasks around the home as "mommy's helper". You will find that the angry behaviour lessens the more positive, interactive attention you give him. Show zero tolerance for his aggressive behaviour. Find a "time-out" spot and use it every time he starts being aggressive. Take him by the hand, look him in the eye, and say: "we do not hit/swear" in a firm but calm voice. This time-out spot must be in full view of you, but without any entertainment value: a chair facing a blank wall. He should sit there for one minute for every year of his age. After time out, ask him if he is prepared to behave nicely. If the anser is "yes", he can get off the chair and start a new activity. If the answer is "no", he should stay on the chair for a minute or two more. If he tries to get off the chair before the time is up, add another 30 seconds to the time.
He will quickly learn not oly that bad behaviour is not tolerated, but that he will not even get negative attention for it.
His sister should also show zero tolerance for bad behaviour. She could play with him for a short while each day. Teenagers typically have little time for younger siblings, but she might be surprised at the difference it could make.
