How do we prepare the first child for the arrival of the second child? Congratulations you're expecting your second child! I am sure we all found ourselves attending antenatal classes before the arrival of our first child; absorbing  every bit of information we could about  the amazing, incredible process called BIRTH!  Inevitably the experience was different from what we anticipated because each and every birth is a unique process that delivers a special and unique individual every time!  So now you have chosen to  go through the experience again. It’s going to be familiar . You are slightly better prepared for the birth second time around, however, there is one little person who does not know what to expect.  As you yourself  discovered, there was a lot to learn after the baby arrived that antenatal classes did not prepare you for!  So if we struggled, how much more will our child struggle? SO WHAT CAN WE DO?  A lot depends on the age of the child, as to how far in advance we inform the child that they will be becoming a big brother or sister.  Clearly the older they are the more they are able to understand and the more they can be involved in the preparation of the arrival of the baby, but the young child between 1 & 3 years needs a lot of understanding.  Whatever the age the emotions they will feel will be very similar. SOME TIPS Include the child in the preparations for the baby e.g. decorating the nursery and choosing toys. Talk about the baby growing in mummy’s tummy.  Visit other families with new babies, read books, encourage both girls and boys to play with dolls/teddies and to role play the whole family happening. Let the first child accompany you to the Doctor and visit the hospital where you will be staying. It is important to read books about what really will happen. The child may be upset when Mom “disappears” into hospital, so it is important that he is left with somebody that he  knows well.  A visit to the hospital a.s.a.p. is very important to reassure him that Mummy is all right and hopefully he can see the baby even if it has to be through the nursery glass. A TRUE STORY…….   When Becky, my second daughter was born, Hannah (who was only 21 months) was angelic!  She was newly potty trained and she was so helpful and interested in her little sister. Two weeks later Hannah turned into a little monster - she would throw toys at Becky, refuse to help, needed to go back into nappies, she even bit Becky!  We were horrified!  What had happened to our little angel?!  What have we done wrong? I spoke to a close friend  who suggested that I designate a consistent special time each day for Hannah as this is what had worked for her. The most helpful action I took to help Hannah through this phase was to promise that when Becky was having her mid-morning sleep I would always do something with her - HANNAH’S TIME. It didn’t matter whether we did a puzzle, played tea party with play-dough, painted, played “baby baby” or curled up on the sofa for a story. It was HANNAH’S TIME and she could choose! Typically the toddler will show great interest in the new baby to begin with. He will want to touch and poke the baby to see what he  really is like. Include him, encourage him to be ”Mummy’s  big helper”. Give him the safe things to do  e.g. to pass the new nappy, to choose which babygro his little sister should wear today (give him a limited choice of what you find acceptable!). Let him hold the baby  when you are around and able to supervise. If you are bottle feeding, let him assist by holding the bottle with a little help from you! NOTE: He may show little or no interest in the baby. Then you can encourage his participation, but do not force him. Let him feel he is being helpful, wanted and loved . Praise him for all the little tasks that he does! The most important thing is to find some special time each day for the first child, so that he still feels special. Try and spend 20 minutes a day just doing an activity with him alone - it will make all the difference.  The arrival of a second child has been likened to a husband bringing a second wife home and announcing to his first wife  that she is here to stay and you will share the home, belongings and me!! How would you feel?  I am sure that a range of feelings would surface….jealousy…anger….and you would be asking questions like “Hey …what about me? I was here first.” “ Who is this person?” “When will  you have time for me?” Acknowledge his feelings, just because he does not have a large vocabulary does not mean that he does not feel angry, jealous, betrayed… and so on. So give him those words, “ I know you are feeling cross because Mummy is busy with Johnny.”  Give him “safe” ways to express his frustrations - tell him you understand why he’s angry and then giving him a “safe” way to let that anger and frustration out.  By  making it into a game you can turn frustration into laughter. e.g. pulling ugly faces in the mirror together, screaming outside in the garden as loud as you both can, by hitting a cushion as hard as you can, kicking a ball together, digging a deep hole in the sandpit. Not only are you spending valuable time together, he knows that you understand him and that is what is important! Good luck and keep a sense of humour!! Email this article to a friend Back to Articles on Child Care...