Back to Work Did we Make the Right Choice? Veldmans and Litvinoff in Working Mother - a practical handbook for the nineties, say,” In our society it is widely felt that there is something unnatural about choosing to be a working mother but our experience has been just the opposite.  If you do decide to stay at home to care for your child society disregards and undervalues you for work that is accorded little respect.  It is a no-win situation.  The fact that being a working mother is something you feel you have to apologise for, at least some of the time ,makes you doubt whether your children are happy and well adjusted even when all the evidence points to them being so. " The most common argument amongst mothers of small children going out to work is that "children need their mothers".  It is true that a child needs loving and cuddling and a close relationship with a consistent adult but this does not mean that they can't have more than one consistent adult in their young lives nor that it has to be their mother!  Fathers, siblings, friends, peers, nannies, childminders, grandparents, nursery school teachers all have a role to play.  This lifts the burden from the mother and as research has shown, there are a number of positive benefits for mothers to work. Research has shown that there are no ill effects from a child who has several mother figures so long as each provides good care and a stable relationship.  Day care provides extra educational input and stimulation and allows a child to develop socially. Research has shown that after the first two years at school there is no difference between children who have experienced one-on-one-care, a nanny, childminder or day care.  Research has also shown that although a child may form close relationships with the nanny or childminder, or other childcare giver - this does not effect the emotional bond between the mother and child.  To enjoy your child to the full remember to give quality time, which demands your undivided attention, to you child regularly. Try to spend a half hour before bedtime with your child. Do your best to be with your child on special days e.g. birthdays, sports day etc... Stop worrying about what other people think of you. You have to do what you believe is best for yourself and your child. A happy contented mother is usually a good mother, even if she is busy and tired. The fact that you maintain your self-respect and feel fulfilled means that you have a lot to offer your children. GOOD CHILD CARE + LOVE + ATTENTION = A THRIVING CHILD WORKING MOMS SAY: " I deal with guilt by seeing how well my children are thriving. And perhaps they appreciate me more too."  "I tell myself that I would spend more time setting out paints for him, dancing, singing or teaching him the alphabet than his nanny does but she takes him to the park and does things that I would never do. And if I'm honest, I might admit that I would more likely park my child in front of the TV so I could get on with chores." "I worried that my daughter was too sensitive to cope with the roughness of other children but I saw her toughen up effectively. She did not become aggressive herself but learned to deal assertively with bullies."  "Time spent with the children tends to be communication time. Weekends make up for the week. We walk, play and go out as a family."  "As a working mother I am able to discuss more interesting things about my day with my daughter." THE GOOD AND BAD ASPECTS OF BEING A WORKING MOTHER   Best Aspects  Worst Aspects Financial Gain Separation from the child Independence No time for self Break from Child Exhaustion Continue career Guilt at leaving child Outside interest Always rushing around Stimulation Missing out on child's growing up Enjoy child more Not there when child needs you Job satisfaction Combining work and family Break from house Organising childcare  Variety  Unsympathetic employer Email this article to a friend Back to Child Care Articles...